Maybe today was not so bad at all.

Last night, I was thinking my birthday this year would suck without daddy. In the past, I thought I was used to him flying already but it doesn't seem so. While talking to dear last night, I was controlling myself and telling myself not to cry. It's my birthday anyway, so I should not be crying. When we put down the phone, I went to read the sms Dear sent me, which mentioned something about my dad. After reading it, I cried very badly and dear had to call and comfort me again. Stupid right? haha.

I almost cried, thinking of my father again, this morning and before the exam started. I got some presents from my friends too. A teddy bear and a necklace. I've been trying to find that necklace for a long time. It's either out of stock or when I saw the price, I can't bear to buy it. I LOVE the necklace. I LOVE my friends too! haha. After school, dear treated me to buffet today. Daddy sms-ed me, wishing me happy birthday, while we were having buffet. Then dear jisiao-ed me. He said now what ever I'm eating will taste sweet because of the message. I somehow admit it. haha. After that, I went home and slept. Daddy called my handphone in the evening, which woke me up from my sleep. Talked to daddy for about 15 minutes! Daddy's coming back to Singapore this month end!! The first ship which Daddy built has set out already. Somehow I feel happy for him. haha. After he put down the phone, I called dear and cried again. haha. Dear said I happy also cry, sad also cry. I don't know why I'm like that though.

I want him to come back NOW.

I usually would disagree with whatever my mother says. There is 1 thing which she said that i totally agree with: When you love somebody, love wholeheartedly.

That's what I'm doing right now. It doesn't only apply in relationships. You can show your love to your parents, your family and your friends too. I love my father very much, who's far away in China, my mother, although I have conflicts with her quite often and most importantly, I also love my dear, who also loves me very very much as well. So, just let your love show. Cherish them. I am cherishing them.


Sometimes people won't know the importance of/how it feels when someone or something until the thing they really love is not there.



Dear damn cute and damn blur lah. He went up and down the lift 2 times to go home because he forgot to do something while smsing me. Before that, he forgot that he was carrying my bag when i was going home.
All smiles.

Watch Phanthom of the Opera on Saturday and it was not bad. Went shopping after that. Now I have idea about what I want for my birthday. I need a new wallet and a pencil case but I want a branded handphone pouch, a small pouch to put little stuff, those small cute water bottles and more bags! haha. I'm abit out of sorts today. Never mind.

Skating makes my day man. I really look forward to skating but its our last lesson today. Sian. The exams are coming too. Damnit. So is my birthday. I bet my father have not thought of what to get for me for my birthday. I shall not say anything and see what he'll get for me.



I WANT MY FATHER TO COME BACK! That's all I'll ever need as a birthday present if that really happens. PLEASE! make it come true.

Thursday
Lesson were as usual but there was almost havoc in class during Geography. Thanks to the teacher. Later I went to Toa payoh's McDonalds with dear to study Geog, at least I've done something. Two chapters of it done! haha. I studied till I started getting distracted, then went walk around. We went to see some bags and bought a pacifier for me and we went home. =)
The guys in tuition went abit too far that day, I was a bit tired of them. They took my handphone at least 5 times and for a few time they took my battery and memory card out. My sim card was almost taken out too. They took my phone one time because I didn't want to give the chocolate dear bought for me. Then Amos said something. Why did he have to say those things? Now Keith and Boon Teak are getting the wrong idea. Damnit! They were also talking about doing something, but I don't know what, on my birthday. Now I don't feel like going to tuition on Thursday anymore, seriously.

Friday
I will feel sleepy on Fridays for sure. Its the boring-est day. All the lessons are a drag. Stayed back after school to accompany rachel & co. and we left for PP at around 4. Continued slacking at Mac even after dear came. We went to walk in the shopping centre only after Rachel & Wanyin left. After we bought our stuff and window-shopped for awhile, took a bus back to buy my bubble tea and straight to tuition. I think I made Mr Toh really pissed with me because of my attitude. I was sort of arguing with him and can't really be bothered. I went home early today.

That's the dumbest person I've ever seen man.

Sometimes I really wish I can don't go to school. It's just so boring! It's a waste of time too. There was Social Studies lecture after school. I'm sick of staying back in school everyday. I feel like going to Starbucks or Mac to study. Dear came at around 3.15pm but I only came out of school at 3.30pm. We walked to the bus stop with Rachel and Wan yin. We were laughing all the way as we walked. I went crazy laughing again. Then, me and dear went to Bugis to buy my pen and went home.

I realised I can be very unfriendly if I don't like somebody. I just show my attitude if I don't like that person but it can't be helped, I'm like that. I'm sure my friends have noticed that too. =)

Yeah. We had a good talk last night and I slept at 1am.

I've become so emotional now, I noticed. I'm crying for.... nothing? I think of my father, and I cry. What is wrong with me? Somehow, i don't like this emotional me. I'd rather be the couldn't- care-less person last time. I don't like crying all the time. I thought I was used to my father travelling around but it seems like I'm not. I also seem like I'm trying bridge a gap between me and my mother. I feel that I don't want to let her care about me. What is wrong with me?

I want the cheerful me, not me at this Fucking point in time.

In case SOME people start saying that I never blog, I didn't have much time the last few days days. I had to study for the tests. I don't want my last term's results anymore. That's all I'm going to say.

Last Friday was the Games Carnival, tuition and of course, the last day of the week. Definately something good. It was Friday the 13th too. In fact, I had fun. haha. I had a good laugh at that dedication. Abit of the sweetness of revenge and it was really funny. After the whole thing we went to PP Yoshi to have dinner, bought Gena's bear bear and did some crazy things as usual. haha. When dear came to pick me, he was moody again but his mood still improved later. So, that's good. I forgot to buy my bubble tea for tuition. I was late already anyway. As soon as I reached the tuition centre, I took out my homework to do already so I dare say I was guai-er than usual. haha. If not I would be sitting there slacking and talking until half an hour later before starting my work. I was doing my work all the way till 10pm lor (I even asked mummy to come later so that I could do my work.) but of course multi-tasking: laughing, talking and doing my homework at the same time. Its impossible not to talk there. Mr Toh and Amos took the bear bear to play and they looked like they had deprived childhoods man. I was laughing and doing my work. They looked so GAY. Pissing Mr Toh off is fun. =)


I've got 2 bags as my birthday presents already! One from mummy, one from dear. I'm already using the one mummy bought for me. Oh. Keith and the rest were saying not go tuition on the 30th, Monday. Whatever, I don't go to tuition on Monday anyway. Now I want a pencil case, mine is old already.

I've got everything I want. The birthday present which I really want from you is that you come back from China. That's what I want, although i know its impossible.
fuck off if u don't understand. I don't want any consolations.

I hate the word bastard.

I don't know whether to say school sucks or school went just the same today. I'd say my day sucks. During A-Maths lecture, Chinese, Geog and English lesson, I was practically half sleeping. Its was boring or maybe I can't concentrate. I just can't get that incident out of my damned mind! and because of that, i kept sighing and sighing and was moody for almost the whole day.

Dear was also very moody this afternoon. I've never seen him like that before, so quiet and not smiling. It rained on the way home too but i still bought bubble tea to drink. And "home" is a DREAD to me.




This smiling facade I put up everyday is difficult to carry on.
Free me from all these miseries please.

Something about the long weekend
I cried on the 5, 6 and 7, for different reasons. One reason I cried, was when I received a sms from my father, I was too happy. But so much for all that tears, i don't think it was worth it anymore. It was an instigation. I spent the days in my room only coming out when I need to go to the toilet, to take things and to have my meals. I'm shutting myself from this family. Good thing i have dear with me when i cried.
The guys in tuition were so lame/bored that they took turns to call my handphone when I was right in front of them. The tuition centre was bloody stuffy but I didn't go out for break.
Come to think of it, i think its funny to play with the spirits. they can answer your lamest questions, such as "do you know i am *your name*?" They can even make my grandmother angry.

School today was alright. 3G, H, J were pumped during PE. 50 push-ups! But it was never done anyway. We just stayed in pumping position for quite a long time and down-ed only like 3?? Everybody just continued talking. Lessons after recess couldn't keep me awake, so I sms-ed dear to stay awake. After school, me and dear went to Bugis to buy wanyin's pens and I was said to "pang-seh" my friends. So good for that helpfulness man. Now I'm in my room AGAIN, studying for physics.

See, i blogged, Ryan. =)

the social studies test is screwed up.

i blogged just for the sake of blogging. =)